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How To Tell Someone You Just Want To Be Friends

frankie cordoba/Unsplash

frankie cordoba/Unsplash

There comes a time when someone you are friends with or just met shows interest in you. They begin to flirt with you constantly or complimenting your appearance. Instantly you think the best thing to do is to ignore this person, and maybe they will notice you want to date them.

These situations are always tricky, and we rarely want to deal with them. If the constant flirting makes you uncomfortable, then it is probably time to reject them. Then there are circumstances where you may want to date someone at first, but you may change your mind. You should know how to tell someone you just want to be friends so you can be prepared for these uneasy positions.

Recently I met this guy in the library on campus. We never became close friends, but I found out that this guy liked me even though he didn’t directly ask me out. Instead, he would ask my friends about my current relationship status or if I would ever be interested in him. Whenever I was around him, he began asking me if I wanted to hang out outside of the library, and I would always divert the conversation so we could talk about something else. At one point, we did hang out together but to finish homework. During that one hang out session, the flirting continued, but I did everything I could to ignore it. I thought my indifferent behavior would make this guy realize that I wasn’t interested at all, but nothing worked.

Before having an encounter with him, I developed this habit of just pretending I never noticed the signs of them flirting with me. Or if someone asked me to hang out with them, I would divert the conversation or say “Maybe,” which meant “No.’ Even after my indirect rejection, the guy would still be persistent, and he would continue to ask me out anyways.

I was placed in an uneasy situation already because want to reject anyone. I didn’t want to feel guilty for upsetting someone, and I did not want to be responsible for his emotional reaction. However, avoiding the rejection conversation would only waste his time because he is continuing to pursue me even though I was never interested.

I do not think you should always have to tell someone you don’t like them, but in some circumstances, it's good to know how to tell someone you just want to be friends.

How to Tell Someone You Just Want to be Friends

You may not know what’s the best way to let someone down politely and afraid of confrontation as well. But handling uneasy circumstances will only improve how you communicate with others. So if you don’t know how to tell let someone down easy, here is how to tell someone you just want to be friends.

Don’t Circle Around the Rejection

If this person is always asking you out, don’t divert the conversation. Chances are they will continue to ask you until you say “no” or until they realize you’re not interested. If you do agree to hang out with each other, also mention you want to hang out with each other as friends.

Try to be Straightforward

Even though you would rather have them figure it out on their own, its best to tell them how you feel right away. You never know when they will notice you’re not interested in pursuing them romantically. Depending on how persistent they are, they may continue to ask you out, or they may even ask if you want to start dating seriously.

Letting someone know that you do not see them as a potential partner will offer them the chance to try dating someone else.

Don’t Let Their Emotions Change Your Decision

Knowing how to tell someone, you just want to be friends also will help you become more assertive in your decision making. If someone is being rejected, they feel upset about it. If you made an effort to ask someone out, and they turn you down, you may be upset as well.

Even though you may feel guilty, don’t change your decision just because you think you hurt someone’s feelings. If you decide to go out with them because you are feeling guilty, you aren’t being true to yourself. And you will be encouraging a romantic relationship you never wanted to begin in the first place.

Don’t Lie About Your Feelings

There may be a situation where both of you may be interested in each other, but you no longer want to be in a relationship with that person. Or you didn’t think that person would be the best partner for you. No matter what the reason is, make sure you provide a real reason as to why you don’t want a relationship with them.

I understand that lying is just another way to avoid hurting their feelings and to sugarcoat the conversation. But, it is best to be honest and genuine, especially if you want this person to stay in your life. But you can know how to tell someone you just want to be friends without being dishonest. Love, sex, and relationship coach Cara Kovacs suggest “you can be honest, and you need to be if you hope to have a true friendship with the person.” Don’t make up a random excuse just because you think it resolves your situation faster.

Don’t feel guilty

Please don’t be hard on yourself because you don’t find another person as attractive as they think you are. It is okay to empathetic, especially if this is someone you care about. You should know how to tell someone you just want to be friends without holding onto guilt.

You may also be worried that this person may not forgive you. If you don’t think the other person is your type, then you shouldn’t force yourself to like them. It would be insincere if you decide to develop a relationship with someone, and it is built entirely on pity.