Every guy should read this post to learn how to successfully flirt at the gym.
If you haven't already, make sure to read My Creepy Gym Guy story. Most people found it terrifying and frankly, so did I.
1. Never Stare
Most of the time staring can be pretty harmless. Someone staring could be looking past you or simply day dreaming. However, when done purposefully, staring feels like a predatory behavior. For example, in the wild, lions on the hunt stare at and stalk their prey before killing them. A woman who is a stranger to you, does not want to feel like your prey or like you're sizing her up. Further, aerobics classes behind glass walls aren't for your entertainment.
If you think a woman doesn't know you're staring because her back is turned, you're wrong, and there's science to prove it. Our brains have a mechanism to detect where someone's eyes are looking. This is how you can always feel when someone is staring at you. It's sometimes referred to as a "gaze detection system" and works well even if someone staring at you in your peripheral vision.
2. Less Is More
There are subtle ways to make sure a woman knows you're interested. For example, at the gym it's not the norm to strike up detailed conversations about your day. Therefore, a quick smile with eye contact, while asking "Hi, how are you?" will do the trick. This lets the woman know that you want to interact in an atypical gym manner, and further opens the door for conversation.
3. Don't Beckon A Woman
Usually, beckoning a woman's presence from across the gym means you've been staring. The glaringly obvious reason not to beckon a woman is because if you want to engage in conversation with her, you should use the approach mentioned above. Not only is beckoning rude and presumptuous, it's also a quick way to get embarrassed. Less is more.
4. Be Conscious of Body Language
A woman avoiding eye contact with you at the gym, doesn't want to talk to you. Don't interpret lack of eye contact as a challenge. Instead, interpret it as a signal that your efforts are better spent on someone else. Body language tends to be a learning curve for a lot of men as studies show that women are better at interpreting it. When men and women were tasked to watch a silent movie, 87% of women were able to accurately guess what was going on, while only 47% of men were. Additionally, women show more brain activity than men when interpreting behaviors. From MRI scans, women are shown to have 14-16 active brain areas when interpreting behavior, while men only 4-6. If you're talking to a woman at the gym and she leans into you, mirrors your body language, and makes direct eye contact, these are all cues she may be interested.
5. Never Follow A Woman
If staring didn't scare off the woman you're interested in, following her sure will. When you're in the gym, make your first priority your routine. If you get a natural opportunity to approach a woman, then take advantage. However, if you follow her around the gym, and pretend it's a coincidence, you will just make her uncomfortable and disinterested.
6. Don't Show Off
Again, when you're at the gym your main priority should be your routine and not impressing or picking up women. Showing off can be particularly dangerous, especially when heavy weights are involved.When you combine lack of focus with lifting heavy weight you're at risk for tearing muscles and tendons, causing spinal injuries, developing hernias, and causing sprains. I've had the displeasure of seeing men show off only to fall off of machines and perform extremely heavy deadlifts with visually painful form. Showing off isn't necessary. What is impressive is someone who takes their workout seriously, with intensity and attention to detail.
7. Personal Space Is a Requirement
Under no circumstances are you entitled to touch any person's body uninvited. That said, a busy gym can be overcrowded during peak hours. Sometimes it can feel like you're working out on top of each other. If you're interested in a woman, and she sees you being extra careful to allow her personal space, she's likely to appreciate it.
8. First Date, Gym Date
If you do make a connection at the gym, the best first date many times is a gym date. It's neutral ground, a familiar space, and a common interest for the both of you. You can enjoy teaching each other different exercises and techniques. Also, there's a lot that can be learned from a person's style of exercise. For example, are they focused, supportive, helpful, and patient? Or are they overly intense, controlling, competitive, unfocused, and impatient? This is all information that you can use to determine if you're interested in moving forward.
Well there you have it guys, I'm confident that if you take this advice you will save yourself and others some headache. Also, you will avoid scaring off the woman you're interested in. Focus on your workout, take advantage of opportunities to introduce yourself, and keep it light. You two just may live fit and happily ever after.
Have you made a love connection at the gym? Tell me how it went down in the comments below!